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ficlet: kara/lee; prompt # 12: jealousy. - Wren Skywalker's writing journal.
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wrenskywalker
ficlet: kara/lee; prompt # 12: jealousy.
title: Little Monster
author: wrenskywalker
rating: mature for language.
characters/pairings: Lee Adama, implied Kara/Lee and Kara/Sam.
summary: There was a little monster that lived somewhere deep inside Lee Adama.  Lee didn't like to think of it as jealousy, but that was the monster's name....  And today, it was becoming a big monster.
disclaimer: not mine; i just like to play with the characters. :)
a/n: written for prompt # 12 on my kara/lee prompt table, found here.

There was a little monster that lived somewhere deep inside Lee Adama.  He didn't like to think of it as jealousy, but that was the monster's name.  It didn't show itself very often, and when the little monster did come out, it seemed to almost exclusively be when Starbuck was involved.  After all the years he'd known her, he thought he could control the little monster pretty well, but then again, there was only so much a man could take, before less flattering feelings got the best of him.  And today, one of those feelings was becoming a big monster.

He let the little monster surface whenever any other man got near enough to Kara to touch her face.  His heart raced, his blood boiled in his veins, and a deep red tinged his cheeks.  But all those other times before, even her spur-of-the-moment night with Baltar that had him in a rage for days, they didn't really bother him like this, because they weren't real; those one night stands and brief flings, those were just Kara.  It seemed almost to be part of her nature to have a different man every time she felt a desire for flesh.  She would never be with any of those men longer than a couple of nights, then it was over; then his heart beat could return to normal.

But this, this was worse than anything the little monster had ever made him feel.  This actually scared him, because this could be- was- real.

And here he stood, like a bumbling, idiotic fool, in the mess where he'd just met the apparent love of Kara's life.  She'd been talking about this Anders she'd found on Caprica ever since she returned, and although he pretended to hope she'd find him again, inside he was wishing quite the opposite.  And now here Anders was, safe aboard the Galactica- and in Kara's bunk, no doubt- and Lee had tried to look pleased to meet him, happy that Kara was happy and all that frakking bullshit, but he was sure there was a look of horror on his face, courtesy of the little monster.

She was sitting on a dark-haired man's lap, downing another shot just as fast as the man could pour it, when Lee walked into the mess.  The room was empty except for the two, and their laughter was what drew Lee in.  He stood in the doorway awkwardly for a moment, contemplating just walking away.  But just then Kara looked up and grinned when she saw him.

"Lee!" she slurred, sloshing her drink on the table as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.  "Lee, this-" now she gestured to the man on who's lap she was perched- "is Samuel T. Anders."

Lee raised his eyebrows and forced a smile at the man named Anders, who was equally as drunk as Kara.  He watched in silent agony as Kara turned to Anders, who had stood up when he was introduced to Lee, and jumped on him, locking her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.  She then began kissing him fiercely, almost in such a way that she forgot Lee was even standing there.

Lee watched them for a moment, a red blush- more from anger than embarrassment- rising quickly to his cheeks.  He clenched and unclenched his fists, physically surpressing the desire to punch Anders straight in the mouth.  He wondered if Kara was doing this to get back at him for something.  But then, drunk as she was, she seemed so damn happy.  That's what scared Lee the most.

Finally, when he felt he could no longer witness any more of this torture, he muttered, "Well that was frakking polite," under his breath and stalked away.

Now Kara was off gods knew where doing gods knew what, and Lee was left to sit in the empty mess to which he'd returned, and sulk.  Although he had no actual claim to her, for they had never established a relationship, she was still his Kara- even when she'd been with Zak, all those painful years ago.  Now the rage, the blackout jealousy was taking over.  He didn't think there was anything he wouldn't give to be Samuel T. Anders at this moment.  He had never known- and probably would never know- what it was like to hold Kara, to kiss her and caress her and not feel like he was just another one of her quick fraks, even though he knew he wasn't.

Why can it never be me? the little monster cried within him.  Lee banged his fist on the table.  All these years, all this time, he could have made her happy, just as Anders was doing now.  He wanted her, really wanted her, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, every way that could possibly exist.  And she wanted him, he knew it; but why did she always push him away?  She seemed almost afraid to stay with him for too long; things would be great for awhile, and then she'd get too close and  break the ever-tying and untying bonds with another argument, another fight, another stubborn decision.

Lee felt frustration, exhaustion, and anger pulse through him like a blood transfusion, and this new blood made him realize: be with kara, or be without.  Constant struggle over a losing battle.  The little monster retreated back to its hiding place, and Lee sighed in defeat.  Someday, he reassured himslef, someday she would turn around and realize he'd always been here, wating for her to stop running away.

 
a/n #2: this one's a bit rust, but i wrote it at 4 am.  i just felt like i had to write something.  i will probably do some serious editing later. :)

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Current Mood: awake awake
Current Music: How to Save a Life// The Fray

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Comments
tracyj23 From: tracyj23 Date: January 8th, 2008 01:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
I like it. Definitely has that raw edge that Lee has whenever he's upset about Kara being with another man. He certainly has a good hold on his feelings except when it has to do with her being with someone else.

Really nice! Enjoyed it. :) Especially the bit of hope at the end.
wrenskywalker From: wrenskywalker Date: January 9th, 2008 10:02 am (UTC) (Link)
Definately agree with Lee losing his control when it comes to another man and Kara. :D

Thanks! Glad you liked it! ;)
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